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ZOMBIE NEWS CLIPS FROM THE TOMB OF THE UNREAL, VOL. 4

   
1982 DIMPRESSIONISTS
In a 200-year-old house in France, wall paint is scraped away to reveal a Monet masterpiece. The Monet painting is subsequently scraped away to reveal a darned-fine job of painting the wall by a 19th-century house painter.
 
1987 REPEATING HISTORY CLASS
A survey finds that many US students still lack sufficient knowledge of the country's history. For one of the questions, 52% of students identified the important Civil War city of Vicksburg as "the historical birthplace of VapoRub."
 
1996 DOCTORS VAPORIZED!
Medical authorities report an instance of toxic fumes being emitted from a hospital patient's body. A subsequent autopsy reveals that the patient had excessive levels of ammonia in her bloodstream. And that the walls of her arteries were very, very clean.
 
 
funny cartoon of zombie news man, holding news copy titled s o s news  
 
TerraBits

Mayor Ricky Retardo
  — clueless optimist,
        from a 1995 press conference

"I'm pleased to announce that several major street gangs in our fair city have put aside their differences to form a new political coalition, the Caliber Party. Their top platform plank will be 'keeping the piece.' Party leaders tell me their candidates will communicate their message to voters primarily though drive-by campaigning. For more information, search the city's web site for the keyword 'gangplank.' "


Are we walking the gangplank when it comes to turning farm fields and pasture into housing developments and strip malls?   Take a long walk off a short page

funny cartoon of mayor trying to give news conference while bird is perching on his hat

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SONGS FOR A NEWS-HUNGRY PLANET
 
  “I Got the News”
      – Steely Dan, from the album Aja
 
 

How was I to know
About the warm soulful secret
You been keepin' for years?
I got the news...

  album cover for Aja, by Steely Dan


For reviews, to hear clips, or to get purchase info,
go to Amazon.com

Album Review: If you somehow missed the news that the album Aja is Steely Dan's finest effort, I'm hear to say it plainly: It is without question their topper. Aja is a masterpiece of studiocraft, with production qualities to please the pickiest audiophile, and with songwriting and playing so good that they propelled Steely Dan into the stratosphere of rock stardom in the late 1970s. Most of the songs got much radio play over the next decades, including the monster hits "Josie" and "Deacon Blues." The crowning achievement of Aja is the title track—an 8-minute epic that transports you to a festive garden party in some far-off Asian land. "Home at Last," another excellent song, transforms the problems of a modern relationship into a Homeric tale. "Black Cow," "Peg" and "I Got the News"—all fine songs in their own right—round out the set. Aja was the album where Steely Dan perfected the slick jazz-rock sound they had been moving toward, and because their creative juices were peaking at the time, the result was a set of seven songs that is nearly without flaw.

 

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   > Issue Number 115
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