Stupid Global Warming Idiots!

THE BI-POLAR BEAR HIBERNATED
IN HIS FACT-FREE DEN
Climate Change Scientists or "Stupid Global Warming Idiots"?

In May 2008, the US finally listed the polar bear as a threatened species (due to global warming). The move was a half-measure that was agreed to only after the Bush administration was sued by champions of the Arctic bears. Not one to be swayed by lovable, furry, iconic animals or mere moral correctness, the right-wingnut columnist George F. Will found nothing to love about the listing of polar bears and vented his eco-contempt on the opinion page of The Washington Post.

While it was no surprise that the Mr. Will, a prince of plutocratic punditry, would write a piece that basically boiled down to "stupid global warming idiots!" ... the following opening passage was still a bit remarkable:

The Interior Department, bound by the Endangered Species Act, has declared polar bears a "threatened" species because they might be endangered "in the foreseeable future," meaning 45 years. (Note: 45 years ago, the now-long-forgotten global cooling menace of 35 years ago was not yet foreseen.) The bears will be threatened if the current episode of warming, if there really is one....

So, here in 2008, less than a year after the world's premier group of climate scientists (the IPCC) released a voluminous set of reports detailing the unambiguous dangers of global warming, here is a person of supposed intellect and learning still questioning the existence of the problem by invoking the ol' "global cooling trick."

Now, to be fair, a few decades ago there were some scientists warning that global cooling might be a problem. But there were also scientists who were already discussing the potential threat of global warming (yes, even back then). And as climate science advanced over the years, a clear scientific consensus emerged: the threat to today's civilization is global warming, not global cooling. Long term—assuming we manage to survive the coming episode of catastrophic warming—global cooling could indeed be a problem. But if we keep ignoring the warming problem, we won't get a chance to worry about an approaching cooling problem a thousand or so years from now.

Anyway, it's frustrating that supposedly smart people like Mr. Will are still playing fast and loose with the science of the matter and casting doubt on whether global warming is even real. Will's Post piece inspired a response from the Grinning Planet editorial department, but rather than simply blasting away at his oh-so-dumb o-pin-yuns, we invoked the method used by Doug Piranha of Monty Python fame (see sidebar) and put a humorous spin on our letter to him. Here 'tis....

Ah, we feel better now.

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MONTY PYTHON – "THE PIRANHA BROTHERS"

Doug and Dinsdale Piranha—a.k.a. "The Piranha Brothers"—were two fictional underworld thugs that appeared in a classic Monty Python sketch. Whereas Dinsdale engaged in acts of brutal, cartoonish violence (such as nailing an uncooperative person's head to the floor), Doug was even worse. As one interviewee put it, "I've seen grown men tear their own ears off rather than face ... Doug."

"What did he do?"

"He used... sarcasm."

Of course there's much more funny stuff in this oddly hilarious 9-minute long mockumentary from the masters of zany British humor. The title of the bit is "Ethel the Frog," which derives from the name of the fake BBC program that is documenting the exploits of the Piranha Brothers.

Amazon.com options:
-- Hear clip or download MP3
-- Check out album/CD
    (includes "Ethel the Frog" ...
    "Spam" ... more)

"Climate change is and will be a significant threat to our national security and in a larger sense to life on earth as we know it to be."

— Gen. Gordon R. Sullivan, retired, former US Army chief of staff