"I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?"
— Victor Borge
"The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough."
— Andy Rooney
"I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch."
— George Burns
"I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws."
— Charles-Pierre Baudelaire
"I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the manmade sound never equaled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig."
— Alfred Hitchcock
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