"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out."
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
"When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad."
"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office."
"Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends."
"Never eat more than you can lift."