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Water Joke (Fake Headline News)

These jokes on water are fake headline news stories featuring a "water on the brain" theme.

         
cartoon image of stage light ZOMBIE NEWS CLIPS FROM
THE TOMB OF THE UNREAL,
VOL. 5 — WATER ON THE BRAIN
 
   
     
1970   WATER WITCH’S BREW
A chemical industry lobbying group defends its stand against strict water pollution laws. Spokeswoman Flo Brown elaborates: “The chemicals in the water act as a preservative, which extends the freshness period of the water by several decades. We think that’s a good deal for consumers.”
1994   BURSTING ITS BUBBLE
A pharmaceutical researcher discovers a new antibiotic that works by causing each bacterial cell to take on more and more water until it bursts. The female scientist who discovered the antibiotic names it “Bloatacillin.”
2001   RAPID RESPONSE
A new study is released shedding light on why people go rafting down dangerous rapids. The results:
       
  62% love adventure in the great outdoors
  37% get an adrenaline rush from death-defying activities
  1% never had a Slip-n-Slide as a child
 
funny cartoon of zombie anchorman on tv news set; he is drinking coffee during a break and it's coming out a hole in his neck    
The real news about water is much less funny . . .
Check out the pond scum on the next page:  Water Pollution Facts
Or see more zombie cartoons
 
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SONGS FOR THE JOKERS ON THE WATER PLANET
 
  “Jig of Life”
      – Kate Bush, from the album Hounds of Love
 
 

Waiting for Then, when the lifespray cools;
For Now does ride in on the curl of the wave,
And you will dance with me in the sunlit pools.
We are of the going water and the gone;
We are of water in the holy land of water . . .

 

album cover for Hounds of Love, by Kate Bush Album Review: By the time Kate Bush arrived at her 1985 album Hounds of Love, she had put four other albums behind her, each of which she used to gradually broaden her material and style, hone her production techniques, and explore regions where neither she nor other musicians had ever been before in the modern music world. Her forays on those albums were usually quite good, but they did not always work perfectly. On Hounds of Love, however, it all came together, and the result was her most thoughtful, progressive, and powerful album to date. As it turned out, it was to be her pinnacle—not only was the album critically acclaimed, it was her best musically, it sold well enough to knock Madonna out of the #1 spot on the UK charts, and it put her solidly in the field of vision of American listeners. The original LP featured a side-long concept suite called "The Ninth Wave" that ranks with any whole-side concept ever put to vinyl. The story has various interpretations, but the one that works best says the suite is about a young girl fallen very ill with disease, with the story portrayed as a series of vivid hallucinatory imaginings based on the girl's fever-plagued memories and the vague voices of the concerned people who visit her sick chamber. It's impossible to adequately describe such a creative, well executed musical concept in a few sentences, so we'll leave it at this: Kate Bush produced much amazing music in her all-too-brief career, but the "The Ninth Wave" stands out as a truly masterful accomplishment. "The Ninth Wave" by itself is enough to warrant giving Hounds of Love a top recommendation, but the album also contains two of Kate Bush's best and most popular songs—"Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God)" and "Cloudbusting." This CD repackaging includes six bonus tracks: remixes of "Running Up That Hill" and "The Big Sky," as well as four tracks that never appeared on any of her original studio albums—"Be Kind to My Mistakes," "Under the Ivy," "Burning Bridge" and "My Lagan Love"—the first three of which all sound as though they could have been seamlessly inserted into Hounds of Love at various points (had there been room). If you appreciate progressive pop, avant garde rock, or concept music—or even just a great modern-rock hit like "Running Up That Hill" or "Cloudbusting"—this CD will have you howling at the moon with delight.

 

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Other available GP reviews of Kate Bush albums:
    -- Lionheart
    -- The Sensual World

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   > Issue Number 138
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