"Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people."
— Samantha Bee
"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."
— Stephen Wright
"Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed."
— Mark Twain
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one."
— Jack Yelton