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FUNNY EDUCATION QUOTES

Enjoy these funny education quotes. It requires no learning; quote us on it: there will be no quiz!

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Funny Education Quotes ...
GENERAL

"Crooked by nature is never made straight by education."

Italian Proverb

"Education is when you read the find print; experience is what you get when you don't."

Pete Seeger

"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."

Woody Allen

"America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week."

Evan Esar

"Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil."

C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."

Groucho Marx

"Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework."

Bill Cosby

"You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education."

Jeff Foxworthy

"In the education of children there is nothing like alluring the interest and affection, otherwise you only make so many asses laden with books."

Michel de Montaigne

"The United States of America has more monolingual experts on bilingual education than any other country in the world."

Roberto Bahruth, "Perspectives on Teaching English Language"

"My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'"

Ken Dodd

"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."

Will Rogers

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up."

Phyllis Diller

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"

John Mendosa

cover for The Portable Blake; includes the poem 'The Schoolboy' But to go to school in a summer morn,
Oh, it drives all joy away!
Under a cruel eye outworn,
The little ones spend the day—
In sighing and dismay.

William Blake, "The Schoolboy"

"The only educational aspect of television is that it puts the repair man's kids through college."

Joan Welsh


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Funny ...
INSULT QUOTES ABOUT EDUCATION

"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R."

Dennis Miller

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school."

John Dryden, from The Hind And The Panther

"The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving."

Russell Green

"Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it."

Stephen Vizinczey, from An Innocent Millionaire

"Education: the inculcation of the incomprehensible into the indifferent by the incompetent."

John Maynard Keynes

Mark Twain, linked book contains the essay Facts Concerning the Recent Resignation; opens in new window "Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run."

Mark Twain, from "Facts Concerning the Recent Resignation"

"Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge."

Mark Twain

"Intelligence appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without education. Education enables a man to get along without the use of his intelligence."

Albert E. Wiggam

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Funny ...
POSITIVE QUOTES ABOUT EDUCATION

How much a dunce that has been sent to roam
Excels a dunce that has been kept at home.

William Cowper, from The Progress of Error

"Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only that the cat died nobly."

Arnold Edinborough

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

Mark Twain, from Pudd'nhead Wilson

 
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Funny Quotes About ...
EDUCATION COSTS

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance!"

Andy McIntyre

"Shortchange your education now and you may be short of change the rest of your life."

Unknown

"Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income—which he then spends sending his son to college."

Bill Vaughn

 

Funny Education Quotes ...
FROM TELEVISION

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Carmen in red dress, from George Lopez; click to see DVDs on Amazon.com; opens in new window From George Lopez

Carmen: "I just got my letter from Northern Vermont, but I'm afraid to open it. This is my last shot, Mom. Not just for an education, for freedom. I can't party and pierce things in this house. I need to go away."

From Kitchen Confidential

Jack Bourdain: "Recipe for failure: take one part natural talent, two parts stellar education, mix with easy success and a generous helping of booze, drugs, and women, and immediately set on fire."

From The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Viola: "I sent him out here to stay out of trouble and get a good education, but ... Back home, Will did his homework, mowed the lawn, raked the leaves, and cleared the table.... From what I see [here], all he's learning is how to be a rich kid."

From The New Adventures of Old Christine

Christine and Richard Christine:
"We agreed that Richie would get his spiritual education at home."

Richard:
"Watching Touched by an Angel is not a spiritual education."

From The Office

Dwight Schrute: "In the Schrute family, we believe in the five fingered intervention: awareness, education, control, acceptance and punching."

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Funny Education Quotes ...
FROM MOVIES

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From The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (1992)

Marlene Craven: "You have a Harvard education, make something up!"

From Gothika (2003)

Pete: "All that education, but you can't remember an umbrella?"

From
"Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth
(2000)

Mr. Lowelle: "Hello gang, welcome to Sex Education. If you aren't registered for this course or are a Southern Baptist, you're in the wrong room."

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THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

Waste-Free Lunches (for School) article link; thumb of school girl with lunchbox DISSING OLD BAGS OTHER THAN THE LUNCH LADY
Talking trash in school is part of the educational experience, but your kids' meals there don't have to be trashy. Check out Grinning Planet's feature article on how you can pack healthier, waste-free lunches ...



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If you know of a funny education quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

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AUDIO CLIPS
EDUCATION & COMMUNICATIONS

CATEGORY:  MEDIA, EMPIRE — 14.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Unwelcome Guests

Terrorists Against Terror! ... Warmongers, Media, and the Charlie Hebdo Attack — Why has the corporate media put such emphasis on the attack on the satirical French magazine Charlie Hebdo, which killed only a tiny fraction of the number killed in the recent massacre in Nigeria, an event largely ignored by the media? What of the commercially-controlled media's claim that we need moderate Muslims to condemn the attack? Where were the calls for moderate Christians to condemn the Christian extremists whose illegal war killed over a million Iraqis? What lies behind the simplistic official narratives pushed by corporate media? Dissident BBC reporter Tony Gosling examines connections between recent terrorist events and sketches out a highly compelling picture of darker forces at work.
Go to page A  |  Download/listen A   59:36
Go to page B  |  Download/listen B   59:36

GP comment:  Gosling and his interviewer occasionally go too far in their ruminations; for instance, I think the idea that financially troubled Charlie Hebdo might have murdered itself as a publicity stunt to avoid going out of business is plain stupid. The attack as a black-op bitch-slap of France for its recent non-compliance with US geopolitical strategies is a much more compelling angle. Broadly speaking, though, most of the ideas presented in the two hours are fairly on-target.

Original Show Pub Date: 24.Jan.2015 ~~ Original story title: Terrorists Against Terror! (Corporate Media Handling of The Charlie Hebdo Attack)

CATEGORY:  MEDIA — 08.FEB.2015

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen CounterSpin

Will FCC's New Rules Really Protect Net Neutrality? — The head of the FCC has just announced a new rule that will ostensibly protect the openness of the Internet. The approach would reclassify the internet as a public utility, like the phone system. The rules would ban paid prioritization or blocking/throttling of lawful content and services. The commision's vote is still weeks away, but questions remain. The FCC's oversight of industry to date might be described as having been "helpful"; so will this new proposal have teeth and actually maintain an even playing field on the Internet? Craig Aaron of Free Press discusses.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   9:12

GP comment:  Since the FCC is stacked with revolving-door players from industry, it's hard to imagine the regulators are just going to "do the right thing" for the public. I note that Wheeler explicitly procalimed that the new rules would protect mobile broadband users. What about home internet service? is that the loophole that will give industry the fat end of the deal?

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Feb.2015 ~~ Original story title: Craig Aaron on FCC Reclassification

CATEGORY:  MEDIA, EMPIRE, ENVIRONMENT — 10.JAN.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Project Censored

The Most Underreported Stories of 2014 — Project Censored is out with a new addition of their annual "unreported stories" book. On the empire front, their most-underreported stories include "Top Ten US Aid Recipients All Practice Torture"; "WikiLeaks Revelations on Trans-Pacific Partnership Ignored by Corporate Media"; "Corporate Internet Providers Threaten Net Neutrality"; "Bankers Back on Wall Street Despite Major Crimes"; "The Deep State—Government Without the Consent of the Governed"; "US Media Hypocrisy in Covering Ukraine Crisis." On the environmental front, their top underreported stories include "Ocean Acidification Increasing at Unprecedented Rate"; "Lawsuit Challenges Nuclear Power Industry Immunity from Liability in Nuclear Accidents"; "Agribusiness Attempts to Discredit Scientists Who Reveal Herbicide Health Threats."
Download/listen   59:00

GP comment:  This clip includes an interview with Zara Zimbardo, who recently penned "It Is Easier to Imagine the Zombie Apocalypse Than the End of Capitalism." Catchy title, but we need to be more clever in attacking capitalism. It must be continually distinguished from "free enterprise" and "entrepreneurship" and "effort/reward." Capitalism is not about those things; it means "money rules," and no one but the 1% of the 1% really want that.

Original Show Pub Date: 06.Jan.2015

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