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FUNNY FLYING QUOTES

"A bunch of funny quotes about flying may not ease your fear of flying," quotes the pilot, "but this is not a non-laughing flight, so joke away!"

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Funny Flying Quotes ...
GENERAL

"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute."

George Bernard Shaw

"If black boxes survive air crashes, why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?"

George Carlin

"If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation."

Tom Stoppard

"If God had really intended men to fly, he'd have made it easier to get to the airport."

George Winters

"You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, you weren't nauseated by the food. So you are grateful."

Paul Theroux

"The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one; and against two bombs, a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb."

Benny Hill

"Every time I fly and am forced to remove my shoes. I'm grateful Richard Reid is not known as the Underwear Bomber."

Douglas Manuel


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Funny Quotes - Flying ...
PASSENGERS’ PERSPECTIVE

"I don't have a fear of flying; I have a fear of crashing."

Billy Bob Thornton

"I quit flying years ago. I don't want to die with tourists."

Billy Bob Thornton

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."

Mark Russell

"I have to say that flying on Air Force One sort of spoils you for coach on a regular airline."

Ron Reagan

"I think getting drunk is the key to flying comfortably. A couple of Bloody Marys or several glasses of champagne, and suddenly it's like you're on a roller coaster."

Amanda Peet

"In America there are two classes of travel—first class, and with children."

Robert Benchley


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Funny Flying Quotes ...
FLIGHT CREW

"Did I ever tell you about a nasty habit that flight attendants pick up on the job? We learn to always keep smiling, even when we're out of Bloody Mary mix."

Eric Wald, View From The Top

"Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror."

Pappy Boyington, WWII pilot

"Landing on the ship during the daytime is like sex: it's either good or it's great. Landing on the ship at night is like a trip to the dentist: you may get away with no pain, but you just don't feel comfortable."

LCDR Thomas Quinn, US Navy

"In the Alaska bush, I'd rather have a two-hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa."

Kurt Wien

"There is an art, or rather a knack, to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

 

Funny Quotes about Flying ...
FROM MOVIES, TV, AND COMICS

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Fry from Futurama From Futurama

Fry: "I used to dream about being an astronaut. I just never had the grades. Or the physical endurance. Plus I threw up a lot and nobody liked spending a week with me."

From Airplane

Captain Kramer: "Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle. It's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes."

From A Few Good Men

Kaffie: "I don't like flying because I'm afraid of crashing into a large mountain. I don't think Dramamine is going to help."

Calvin and Hobbes pretending a cardboard box is an airplane From Calvin and Hobbes

Calvin: "Buttons—check.  Dials—check.  Switches—check.  Little colored lights—check."

From Calvin and Hobbes

Calvin: "Leader, bandits at 2 o'clock!"

Hobbes: "Roger! It's only 1:30 now—what'll I do 'til then?"

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Flying - Funny Quotes ...
FLYING IN FROM LEFT FIELD

cover of the book Deep Thoughts; click to see Deep Thought humor books on Amazon "If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song."

Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."

Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

"Man is flying too fast for a world that is round. Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear end collision."

James Thurber



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

thumb of passenger train ESCAPING THE BATTERY-POWERED PANDER-BEAR
Planes and trains and automobiles and most other modes of personal and cargo transportation have one thing in common: Oil. As global petroleum production peaks, we'll find that new oil supplies and alternative fuels can't make up the production gap. What to do? Part of the answer lies in Peak Oil and Energy Demand ....



Funny Flying Quotes
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FUNNY FLYING QUOTE

If you know of a funny flying quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ON TRANSPORTATION SUBJECTS

CATEGORY:  ENVIRONMENT — 23.JAN.2015

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Sea Change Radio

Smarter Cities — Many planners agree that a more centralized population is a good thing for long-term environmental responsibility. But as people all over the world continue to flock to urban centers, the challenge of creating sustainable cities becomes more pressing. How can cities be improved to ensure that their billions of residents have energy-efficient transportation, housing, waste-stream management, as well as clean air and water? Ecological urban planner Melanie Nutter walks us through some of the emerging policies and practices to promote smart, sustainable, resilient cities.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   29:00

GP comment:  Nutter has good ideas, and they seem to be fairly successful in San Francisco. But the success largely depends on the target city being highly prosperous in general and green-minded specifically. Many of these programs simply would not sell politically or economically in, say, Atlanta. I'm not saying Atlantans shouldn't get on board with such ideas; just that it's not likely to happen on nearly the same scale as it has in SF.

Original Show Pub Date: 13.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  TRANSPORTATION — 24.MAR.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Living On Earth

Boosting Public Transit — Congestion and smog in Paris are bad enough that authorities are taking aggressive measures to deal with the problem. Can bold steps taken in an iconic city abroad make Americans more accepting of the actions necessary to solve transportation woes in US cities? Former Massachusetts Transportation Secretary Fred Salvucci explains why public transit is a key to limiting congestion and reducing emissions from cars. in spite of this, many cities with public transit, including Boston, aren't keeping up with growing demand and infrastructure requirements.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   9:50

GP comment:  Mass transit is low-hanging fruit for almost all cities, yet investments always seem to lag. It doesn't make sense.

Original Show Pub Date: 21.Mar.2014

CATEGORY:  ENERGY, TRANSPORTATION — 29.JAN.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Living On Earth

Explosive Oil Trains — The past year has seen a marked increase in oil train derailments and explosions, including the deadly accident in Lac-Megantic in Quebec that killed 47 people. These events have raised questions about oil transport in North America. Canadian journalist Jacquie McNish discusses.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   15:06

GP comment:  You gotta love the desperation of industry when they use "it was a once-in-a-lifetime accident" because "there was a hill and the brakes failed." And, as with the ocean-based oil tanker industry, the oil-by-rail industry has mightily resisted the push to use shielded double-wall rail cars. And P.S. Also mentioned in passing is that the US is headed for "energy independence." That is a myth.

Original Show Pub Date: 24.Jan.2014

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