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FUNNY NEW YEAR QUOTES

Cheers! In the funny new year, quote your favorite humorists.

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Funny New Year Quotes ...
GENERAL

"An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves."

Bill Vaughan

"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."

P. J. O'Rourke

"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to."

Bill Vaughn

"New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive."

Jay Leno


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New Year - Funny Quotes ...
FUNNY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS/QUOTES

"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time."

James Agate

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."

Jay Leno

"A good resolution is like an old horse, which is often saddled but rarely ridden."

Mexican Proverb

"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving Hell with them as usual."

Mark Twain

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other."

Anonymous


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Funny New Years Quotes ...
FROM TV AND MOVIES

jerry and kramer close up From Seinfeld

Jerry: "Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's!"

Kramer: "Well, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons."

From The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Hilary: "I'm making a New Year's resolution to find a job... right after Easter."

ralph and alice cramden From The Honeymooners

Ralph: "Short visit? Ha! You know what her short visits are. Like the last time she came for a short visit, just for the holidays, Christmas and New Year's. The only trouble is, she came New Year's and stayed 'til Christmas!"

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Funny New Year Quotes ...
HARD-BOILED

"Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?"

Ogden Nash

"It was a decent New Year's, but it took a million officers to make it so."

Zane Grey

"The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears."

W.H. Auden

"My first word for the New Year was 'exsanguinate.' This was probably not a good omen."

Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

The Resilient Household article link; thumb of resilient household graphic FIRE JUSTIN TIME, HIRE JUSTIN CASE
Most new year's resolutions focus on diet and health. Good idea, but we recommend a more ambitious undertaking: The Resilient Household

Funny New Year Quotes
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If you know of a funny new year quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
THE BETTER-INFO RESOLUTION

CATEGORY:  HISTORY, FINANCIAL — 14.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Peak Prosperity

Either We Break the Bankster Alliances or They Will Break Us — Nomi Prins reviews the historical circumstances that led to the formation of the big-bank-controlled Federal Reserve; that is, how the financial foxes were put in charge of the public's hen house. She then explains how many rich US elites in the late 1800s/early 1900s thought that keeping money flowing and not being too draconian helped the masses, which in turn helped the elites maintain the system that provided the wealth. But some bankers were not of a mind to play the game this way, and Louis Brandeis warned: "We must break the Money Trust or the Money Trust will break us." Nomi Prins says we are headed into a new era of high banker mischief, vast income gaps, and reckless behavior among leaders and elites. She says we must take heed of Brandeis' warning and take down the banker-corporate-politician-industrial complex.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   52:45

GP comment:  I have passed on a couple of Prins interviews earlier this year, but here she is starting to step outside the envelope and address the bankster power structure as the criminal enterprise that it truly is.

Original Show Pub Date: 31.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 06.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Awakening as One

Armageddon — The War Within — As framed here, Armageddon is not really about a final battle of the world's great armies, it is a process of resolving the internal conflicts in us humans. Though the system run by The Powers That Be is palpably corrupt, we have become so dependent on it, we cannot voluntarily let it go. Simultaneously, most people have lost their way, prioritizing materialism and self-obsessed goals over a peaceful, loving existence. The Armageddon process will break the system, and therefore begin the liberation process. While our time-limited physical form may perish, the inner heart-based eternal self will be renewed.
Watch  |  Download/listen   58:46

GP comment:  This is an interesting merge of Christian end-times philosophy with new-agey consciousness and cosmic awareness. There are a few points where the visuals help put the audio in context, but for the most part, you can get by just listening to the MP3, if that is your wont.

Original Show Pub Date: Unknown

CATEGORY:  ENERGY, PEAK OIL — 05.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Sea Change Radio

The Latest Oil Glut—Once Bitten, Twice Shy — It comes as little surprise that the author of a book entitled Snake Oil: How Fracking's False Promise of Plenty Imperils Our Future is a critic of the natural gas industry and a proponent of peak oil theory. Host Alex Wise reviews the issues with Richard Heinberg of the Post Carbon Institute and gets his perspective on how plunging oil prices will affect the energy and transportation industries; the status of the North American natural gas boom; how the turbulence may alter consumer behavior in the near term; and the need for sound policy to guide us through the long-term challenge of living in a post-carbon world.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   30:00

GP comment:  Heinberg is solid as usual, though if you have heard his other interviews in the last six months, you will not find much new here.

Original Show Pub Date: 27.Jan.2015

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book cover for This is YOUR New Year's Resolution!: A 12 Month Health Mastery Program, by Dr. D. Tim Labelle, 3/23/2007; click to view on Amazon dot com

View on Amazon.com:

This is YOUR
New Year's Resolution!

A 12-Month
Health Mastery Program

Gives you the tools necessary to ensure that you achieve a New Year's resolution that will improve the quality of your life and get the best long-standing results needed. The key is to be proactive with your health and wellness.

   
New Years Cartoon link; thumb of man looking at new years day parade WHAT WOULD YOU BE IN THE NEW YEAR'S PARADE?
New Years Cartoon
 
New Year Funny link; thumb of man's face with crazed look HEALTH TIPS FOR THE NEW YEAR
New Year Funny
 
Party Joke link; thumb of geek chef SIGNS YOU’VE HIRED A BAD CATERER
Party Joke

ANIMATIONS RELATED TO
Funny New Year Quotes

funny new years videos link; thumb of new years collage - champagne glasses, ribbons, streamers

UNCORKING A FEW NEW YEARS’ VIDEO CHEERS

A couple of funny new year videos to toast your eyeballs. Out with the economic bubbles! In with the celebratory bubbly!  Watch funny new years videos.

Or see more ...
Funny Animations/Videos

       
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