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FUNNY THANKSGIVING DAY QUOTES

Stuff yourself full of thanksgiving quotes -- funny thanksgiving day humor from the depths of the turkey cavity of delicious bon mots.

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Funny Quotations Thanksgiving ...
GENERAL

"On Thanksgiving Day all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment—halftime."

Unknown

"My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow."

Rita Rudner

"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day."

Irv Kupcinet

"What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?"

Erma Bombeck

"Thanksgiving, man—not a good day to be my pants."

Kevin James

"I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it."

Robert Brault

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."

Johnny Carson

"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."

Phyllis Diller

"A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry—that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three-Mile Island."

Johnny Carson

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

Jon Stewart


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Funny Thanksgiving Quotes ...
FROM MOVIES AND TV

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rebecca howe From Cheers

Rebecca Howe: "I really think I can put together a great Thanksgiving dinner. This will be the second one that I've cooked, and believe me the first one was not the disaster that my family said it was. Those kids had a pretty good time in that ambulance. Kind of exciting for them; I mean it wasn't the same-old, same-old."

From Psych

Shawn Spencer: "Two men are dead! This is not the time for petty sibling squabbles. That's what Thanksgiving is for."

From That '70s Show

Steven Hyde: "Yeah, Thanksgiving. We celebrate the subjugation of an indigenous people with yams and Underdog floats."

hot lips houlihan From M*A*S*H

Margaret (Hot Lips) Houlihan: "Here's to Captains Pierce and McIntyre. To their all-night binges. To their secret nurse ceremonies. To their planting of microphones in sleeping bags. To their childish switching of names on latrines. All of which goes into my special report to General Mitchell, which culminates in a detailed account of your Thanksgiving 'Come As Your Favorite Nude Pilgrim' party."

From Cheers

Cliff Clavin: "Did I ever tell you kids about the first Thanksgiving? It took place between the ancient Egyptians and aliens from a distant galaxy."

From Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman

Grace: "Shhh. Don't say it. You name that bird, start makin' friends with it, and there goes my Thanksgiving appetite. That bird's name is 'dinner'."

From Home for the Holidays

Claudia: "Nobody means what they say on Thanksgiving, Mom. You know that. That's what the day's supposed to be all about, right?"

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Eating organic is a great choice, but if you can't always find or afford organic food, Grinning Planet's article and wallet guide on pesticides in food will help you avoid the most contaminated conventionally grown foods.



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If you know of a hilarious thanksgiving quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Food-Related
AUDIO CLIPS
TO STUFF YOUR BRAIN!

CATEGORY:  FOOD, ANIMAL WELFARE — 11.FEB.2015

Rating: 2 of 5 - OK; if you've got the time... Diet Science

Pastured vs. Free-Range vs. Cage-Free vs. Organic Eggs—What's The Difference? — Dee McCaffrey says the problems with conventional eggs range from low-quality feed to inhumane growing conditions. Organic eggs use better feed and have better growing conditions, but access to outdoors is sometimes more theory than practice in large organic operations. She rightly promotes eggs from backyard chickens as the best choice, with eggs from pastured chickens another good way to go.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   10:53

GP comment:  All that is correct. But McCaffrey also asserts that most people who are use pastured hens to raise eggs are also using organic or non-GMO feed. I suspect not even a majority of them do. I agree that pastured eggs are a top priority, but shoppers should also look for the organic or GMO-free labels. "Trust but verify." She also conflates GMO-free with soy-free, which are not at all the same thing. And "cage-free" usually means "in a crowded barn," and there is no rule that cage-free chickens must have access to outdoors. See the Humane Society's How to Read Egg Carton Labels for more info on terms related to eggs. Bawk!

Original Show Pub Date: 19.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  FOOD, ORGANICS — 30.JAN.2015

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! One Radio Network

Keeping Food Clean—Overseeing the Organic Food Industry — Mark Kastel of The Cornucopia Institute talks about agribusiness' constant attempts to weaken the USDA organic standard—and what we can do about it. Topics include ... big companies trying to do organic on-the-cheap; Eden Foods and other food companies using excellent business ethics; the scorecard on the Cornucopia website that lets you research your favorite organic companies; carageenan, yes or no; why Chipotle took pork off the menu in 1/3 of its restaurants; why monocropping hurts soil; long term effects of GMO foods on human health; how buying organic protects you from the worst issues in the food industry.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   59:36

GP comment:  The Cornucopia Institute and the Organic Consumers Association—not to be confused with its evil name-twin the Organic Trade Association—are among the few things that keep the agribusiness juggernaut from crushing the value of the USDA organic standard (which is already a lower standard than it should be!).

Original Show Pub Date: 20.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  FOOD, GMOs — 28.JAN.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Corbett Report

Food—Can DIY Conquer "OMG!"? — The problems of the industrial food system are obvious: food safety scandals, the death of family farming, food supply insecurity, the revolving door between corporate lobbyists and government regulators, and many more. The solution should be equally obvious: rolling up our sleeves and getting in the garden. James Corbett reviews some of the evidence against the industrial food model and then explores growing your own as a simple, natural solution to one of our most fundamental problems.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   55:38

GP comment:  This is a good primer for those who are relatively new to these issues. If you've been grappling with the issue of industrial food for a while, you probably won't hear much new here. See GP's page for gardening and agriculture audio for additional shows on those topics.

Original Show Pub Date: 14.Jan.2015 ~~ Original story title: Episode 299 -- Solutions: Guerrilla Gardening

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FUNNY VIDEO
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photo of happy older couple at airport; click to go to funny video page at external site; opens in new window

PASSENGER CLASS — AMERICAN THANKSGIVING TRADITIONS

A short, amusing video clip showing that American Thanksgiving traditions are alive and well and living in ... the airport. From The Onion. Go there

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