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FUNNY TURKEY QUOTES

Gobble up a few funny quotes about turkey (yum!), turkeys (gobble!), and Turkey Day (I ate too much!!)

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Funny Turkey Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.' "

Mitch Hedberg

"A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry—that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island."

Johnny Carson

"A turkey never voted for an early Christmas."

Irish Proverb

"I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts."

Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it."

Berke Breathed, Bloom County


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Funny QUOTES ABOUT . . .
COOKING TURKEY

"The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear."

Johnny Carson

"No more turkey, but I'd like another helping of that bread he ate."

Anonymous

"Don't assume you're always going to be understood. I wrote in a column that one should put a cup of liquid in the cavity of a turkey when roasting it. Someone wrote me that 'the turkey tasted great, but the plastic cup melted.' "

Hints from Heloise

"Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before."

Rita Rudner


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THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

picture of chicken carcasses hanging in a slaughterhouse Chickens and turkeys share much the same fate in today's "factory farms." It's not particularly festive reading, but any compassionate chewer of these fine feathered fowl should know the truth, so check out our article on chicken raising ...

 

Funny Turkey Quotes
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FUNNY TURKEY QUOTE

If you know of a funny turkey quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
FOOD & NUTRITION

CATEGORY:  FOOD, ANIMAL WELFARE — 11.FEB.2015

Rating: 2 of 5 - OK; if you've got the time... Diet Science

Pastured vs. Free-Range vs. Cage-Free vs. Organic Eggs—What's The Difference? — Dee McCaffrey says the problems with conventional eggs range from low-quality feed to inhumane growing conditions. Organic eggs use better feed and have better growing conditions, but access to outdoors is sometimes more theory than practice in large organic operations. She rightly promotes eggs from backyard chickens as the best choice, with eggs from pastured chickens another good way to go.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   10:53

GP comment:  All that is correct. But McCaffrey also asserts that most people who are use pastured hens to raise eggs are also using organic or non-GMO feed. I suspect not even a majority of them do. I agree that pastured eggs are a top priority, but shoppers should also look for the organic or GMO-free labels. "Trust but verify." She also conflates GMO-free with soy-free, which are not at all the same thing. And "cage-free" usually means "in a crowded barn," and there is no rule that cage-free chickens must have access to outdoors. See the Humane Society's How to Read Egg Carton Labels for more info on terms related to eggs. Bawk!

Original Show Pub Date: 19.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  FOOD, ORGANICS — 30.JAN.2015

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! One Radio Network

Keeping Food Clean—Overseeing the Organic Food Industry — Mark Kastel of The Cornucopia Institute talks about agribusiness' constant attempts to weaken the USDA organic standard—and what we can do about it. Topics include ... big companies trying to do organic on-the-cheap; Eden Foods and other food companies using excellent business ethics; the scorecard on the Cornucopia website that lets you research your favorite organic companies; carageenan, yes or no; why Chipotle took pork off the menu in 1/3 of its restaurants; why monocropping hurts soil; long term effects of GMO foods on human health; how buying organic protects you from the worst issues in the food industry.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   59:36

GP comment:  The Cornucopia Institute and the Organic Consumers Association—not to be confused with its evil name-twin the Organic Trade Association—are among the few things that keep the agribusiness juggernaut from crushing the value of the USDA organic standard (which is already a lower standard than it should be!).

Original Show Pub Date: 20.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  FOOD, GMOs — 28.JAN.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Corbett Report

Food—Can DIY Conquer "OMG!"? — The problems of the industrial food system are obvious: food safety scandals, the death of family farming, food supply insecurity, the revolving door between corporate lobbyists and government regulators, and many more. The solution should be equally obvious: rolling up our sleeves and getting in the garden. James Corbett reviews some of the evidence against the industrial food model and then explores growing your own as a simple, natural solution to one of our most fundamental problems.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   55:38

GP comment:  This is a good primer for those who are relatively new to these issues. If you've been grappling with the issue of industrial food for a while, you probably won't hear much new here. See GP's page for gardening and agriculture audio for additional shows on those topics.

Original Show Pub Date: 14.Jan.2015 ~~ Original story title: Episode 299 -- Solutions: Guerrilla Gardening

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ANIMATIONS RELATED TO
Funny Turkey Quotes

animated image of bunny with a roasted turkey; click to see video on YouTube

BUNNIES CAN'T COOK TURKEY

A very short cute animation about why your holiday dinner should not be entrusted to a bunny. From RaymanZone via YouTube. Go there

image of man's head against Family Feud scoreboard; click to see video on YouTube

FAMILY FUED TURKEY

This contestant on the British version of Family Feud has a cranium that is apparently stuff with ... turkey! Via YouTube. Go there

       
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