Skip to main content  
  Helping the environment one joke at a time, Grinning Planet. Click to go to home page. flying letter; click to go to signup page for free email version
Get GP free
via email !
 
   
       
 

FUNNY WAITRESS QUOTES

What can I getcha, honey? Some funny waitress quotes? Maybe some waitress jokes on the side?

    PAGE INDEX
 
  Bookmark and Share
 

Funny Waitress Quotes ...
GENERAL

"I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress."

Jane Siberry, avant garde musician
      See/hear Jane Siberry CDs and MP3s on Amazon.com

"When the waitress puts the dinner on the table, the old men look at the dinner. The young men look at the waitress."

Gelett Burgess, Look Eleven Years Younger

"I don't love comedy but I can watch someone who's kind of interesting forever. I think a waitress who's having a bad day is a lot more fun than Robin Williams doing forty minutes of material."

Bruce McCulloch


ADVERTISEMENT

 

Funny Waitress Quotes ...
FROM TV AND MOVIES

From Waitress

Dr. Pomatter: "I want to talk to you, somewhere outside of here. Maybe we can have a coffee or something?"

Jenna: "I can't have coffee, it's on the bad food list you gave to me. What kind of doctor are you?"

From 3rd Rock from the Sun

Dr. Mary Albright: "He's an idiot."

Waitress: "Honey, they're all idiots. But that one's looking at you like you're the only girl on Earth. And although you're real pretty, you're not exactly the last ham sandwich in Hungry Town, if you get my drift."

From Roseanne

Roseanne [to Becky, who walks in wearing her skimpy waitress outfit]: "So, did you make many tips tonight? Or won't you know 'til you shake out your underpants?"

From Cheers

Diane: "Sam, if I am to serve both as a waitress and a butt of jokes, I think I should make more money."

Carla: "Yeah, what does a good butt make in this town?"

From Homicide: Life on the Street

Potential Waitress: "I'm not really a waitress. I write. One-acts."

Det. Munch: "Huh, one-act plays."

Potential Waitress: "Read them and we'll talk about them, okay?"

Det. Lewis: "You're a writer and you had to ask me for a pen?"

Potential Waitress: "My life is total irony."

From Just Shoot Me!

Elliot: "So you guys claim to have the world's best blueberry pie. I'll be the judge of that."

Waitress: "Oh, no, it's the great pie judge. What if you don't like it? I'll have to return to my village in shame."

AMAZON PURCHASES FROM HERE HELP SUPPORT THIS FREE SITE. THANKS!

Search Amazon.com for more...

    



FREE AUDIO CLIPS

free audio news clips link; image of zombie kid - DON'T BE A MAINSTREAM MEDIA DRONE! - Free MP3 news download at Grinning Planet
 

Funny Waitress Quotes ...
IN JOKE FORM

A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."

"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."

[Yogi Berra orders a pizza]

Waitress: "How many pieces do you want your pie cut?"

Yogi: "Four. I don't think I could eat eight."

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

mercury in fish article link; thumb of can of tuna You tell the waitress you want the fish special, and she insists that you have a side order of mercury. What?? That's crazy! Yes, but you might want to check out our article on mercury in fish to find out which fish have the problem—and why ...

 

Funny Waitress Quotes
COMM. CENTER & RELATED STUFF

SIMILAR CATEGORIES

Funny Waiter Quotes

Funny Restaurant Quotes

Funny Environmental Quotes

Funny Quote subject list

Jokes/Cartoons (General)

PASS ’EM ON!

Do you know someone who would like these funny waitress quotes? Please  forward to them.

Bookmark and Share

SEND ME A
FUNNY WAITRESS QUOTE

If you know of a funny waitress quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
FOOD & NUTRITION

CATEGORY:  FOOD, ANIMAL WELFARE — 11.FEB.2015

Rating: 2 of 5 - OK; if you've got the time... Diet Science

Pastured vs. Free-Range vs. Cage-Free vs. Organic Eggs—What's The Difference? — Dee McCaffrey says the problems with conventional eggs range from low-quality feed to inhumane growing conditions. Organic eggs use better feed and have better growing conditions, but access to outdoors is sometimes more theory than practice in large organic operations. She rightly promotes eggs from backyard chickens as the best choice, with eggs from pastured chickens another good way to go.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   10:53

GP comment:  All that is correct. But McCaffrey also asserts that most people who are use pastured hens to raise eggs are also using organic or non-GMO feed. I suspect not even a majority of them do. I agree that pastured eggs are a top priority, but shoppers should also look for the organic or GMO-free labels. "Trust but verify." She also conflates GMO-free with soy-free, which are not at all the same thing. And "cage-free" usually means "in a crowded barn," and there is no rule that cage-free chickens must have access to outdoors. See the Humane Society's How to Read Egg Carton Labels for more info on terms related to eggs. Bawk!

Original Show Pub Date: 19.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  FOOD, ORGANICS — 30.JAN.2015

Rating: 5 of 5 - Must-listening! One Radio Network

Keeping Food Clean—Overseeing the Organic Food Industry — Mark Kastel of The Cornucopia Institute talks about agribusiness' constant attempts to weaken the USDA organic standard—and what we can do about it. Topics include ... big companies trying to do organic on-the-cheap; Eden Foods and other food companies using excellent business ethics; the scorecard on the Cornucopia website that lets you research your favorite organic companies; carageenan, yes or no; why Chipotle took pork off the menu in 1/3 of its restaurants; why monocropping hurts soil; long term effects of GMO foods on human health; how buying organic protects you from the worst issues in the food industry.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   59:36

GP comment:  The Cornucopia Institute and the Organic Consumers Association—not to be confused with its evil name-twin the Organic Trade Association—are among the few things that keep the agribusiness juggernaut from crushing the value of the USDA organic standard (which is already a lower standard than it should be!).

Original Show Pub Date: 20.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  FOOD, GMOs — 28.JAN.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Corbett Report

Food—Can DIY Conquer "OMG!"? — The problems of the industrial food system are obvious: food safety scandals, the death of family farming, food supply insecurity, the revolving door between corporate lobbyists and government regulators, and many more. The solution should be equally obvious: rolling up our sleeves and getting in the garden. James Corbett reviews some of the evidence against the industrial food model and then explores growing your own as a simple, natural solution to one of our most fundamental problems.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   55:38

GP comment:  This is a good primer for those who are relatively new to these issues. If you've been grappling with the issue of industrial food for a while, you probably won't hear much new here. See GP's page for gardening and agriculture audio for additional shows on those topics.

Original Show Pub Date: 14.Jan.2015 ~~ Original story title: Episode 299 -- Solutions: Guerrilla Gardening

MORE

Get more audio clips on food and nutrition (and many other subjects) in Grinning Planet's biweekly downloadable audio news feed.

 

 

Search Amazon.com ...

     
 

AMAZON PURCHASES FROM HERE HELP SUPPORT THIS FREE SITE. THANKS!

    

BACK TO TOP

 

Hey, we don't pick
the Google ads!   – GP

 
CLICKS ON OUR ADS AND PURCHASES VIA OUR AMAZON LINKS HELP SUPPORT THIS FREE SITE... THANKS!
   

GP CARTOONS RELATED TO
Waitress

 
Cartoon - Waitress Humor link; thumb of plate of food on server's hand HOW RESTAURANT SERVERS TRY FOR BIG TIPS
Cartoon - Waitress Humor
 
Dinner With Kids Joke link; thumb of child in high chair with bowl of food on head RECOMMENDATIONS FOR DINING OUT WITH YOUNG CHILDREN
Dinner With Kids Joke
 
sports cartoon joke link; thumb of bug-eyed waiter MOST POPULAR ITEMS SERVED IN SPORTS RESTAURANTS
Cartoon - Sports

FUNNY ANIMATION ON
Restaurant Servers

waiter and two diners; click to go to video page

THE ABSENT-MINDED WAITER

An amusing, classic video short about a waiter who is absent-minded—or is his mind absent altogether?—featuring Steve Martin, Buck Henry, and Teri Garr. It gets off to a slow start, but there's a pretty good payoff at the end. Via YouTube. Watch funny waiter video.

Or see more ...
Funny Animations/Videos

       
   >              
   > document gif Sign up to get Grinning Planet free by email, or get more info about it Email a link to this page to someone  
   > Copyright 2014 © Mark Jeantheau — All rights reserved.   More info  
   
   
 
 
NEWS, ARTICLES, INFO

MP3 News Download
Video/Audio News Sites
Environmental News Sites
Investigative Journalism Sites

Environment/Energy/Economy
    - Articles/Resources By Topic
    - Articles By Date

Environmental Quotes
    - Funny Environmental Quotes
    - Peak Oil Quotes

Environmental Cartoons/Jokes
    - Environmental Videos/Animations

Environmental Products
Eco/Nature Greeting Cards

Grinning Planet Farm

FUNNY STUFF

Funny Jokes/Cartoons
    - Environmental Cartoons

Funny Animations/Videos
    - Environmental Animations/Videos

Funny Quotes
    - Environmental Funny Quotes

BOOKS

Environmental Books
Global Warming Books
Energy Books
Solar Energy Books
Peak Oil Books
Food-Gardening Books
Media Books

 
MUSIC & MOVIES

Environmental Movies
Environmental Songs
Environmental Music Videos

Album Reviews
Fun With Lyrics

ADMIN

Home Page
Search
Site Map
About Us
FAQs
Contact
Free Subscriptions
Unsubscribe
Privacy Policy