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FUNNY DRACULA QUOTES

Good evening. I am Count Dracula. Please honor me by feasting on my funny Dracula quotes.

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Funny Dracula Quotes . . .
GENERAL

"If Dracula can't see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?"

Steven Wright

"Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, 'Think again, bat man.' "

Jack Handy, 'Deep Thoughts'

"When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary."

Red Buttons

"Count Dracula may not seem like the ideal husband. Of course he's deathly pale, but he's a vegetarian, and they all seem to look like that."

La Marchesa Di Fiore (Maxine McKendry) in 'Andy Warhol's Dracula'

"I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away."

Jack Handy, 'Deep Thoughts'


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Count Dracula Quotes (Funny) . . .
From 'LOVE AT FIRST BITE'

COUNT DRACULA: "Children of the night, shut up!"

COUNT DRACULA: "I'm going out for a bite to drink."

CINDY SONDHEIM: "We can go to bed, maybe get in a little quickie."

COUNT DRACULA: "No. With you, never a quickie, always a longie."

COUNT DRACULA: "Ah, Cindy Sondheim, you should have lived in an earlier age. Things were simpler, less complicated. Do you know how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century? Two."

COUNT DRACULA: "Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest... on a Monday night."

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free audio news clips link; image of zombie kid - DON'T BE A MAINSTREAM MEDIA DRONE! - Free MP3 news download at Grinning Planet
 

Funny Dracula Quotes . . .
From 'DRACULA : THE SERIES'

LUCARD (DRACULA): "People are my greatest resource. I rarely turn down a chance to meet new blood."

LUCARD (DRACULA): "Stay as long as you like... longer even."

LUCARD (DRACULA): "What a third-rate creature you are, even by zombie standards."



 

THE EVER-POPULAR TORTURED SEGUE

 

cartoon image of dracula If a fanged, caped Transylvanian count says to you, "I vant to suck your electreecity" ... you will be experiencing true vampire power—the slow draw of electricity your home electronics use when they're off and waiting in "standby mode." Learn what you can do to keep this 'Dracula deficit' in check in our article about Vampire Power.

Or perhaps you ARE Count Dracula and you're concerned that all those high-side-effects prescription drugs that people take may affect YOU when you dine. Check out or article on prescription drugs vs. chemicals.



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If you know of a funny Count Dracula quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it; and, if you have it, a reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name (a web page address, Bartlett's, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ON ALIENS & TRANSFORMATION

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 06.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Awakening as One

Armageddon — The War Within — As framed here, Armageddon is not really about a final battle of the world's great armies, it is a process of resolving the internal conflicts in us humans. Though the system run by The Powers That Be is palpably corrupt, we have become so dependent on it, we cannot voluntarily let it go. Simultaneously, most people have lost their way, prioritizing materialism and self-obsessed goals over a peaceful, loving existence. The Armageddon process will break the system, and therefore begin the liberation process. While our time-limited physical form may perish, the inner heart-based eternal self will be renewed.
Watch  |  Download/listen   58:46

GP comment:  This is an interesting merge of Christian end-times philosophy with new-agey consciousness and cosmic awareness. There are a few points where the visuals help put the audio in context, but for the most part, you can get by just listening to the MP3, if that is your wont.

Original Show Pub Date: Unknown

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 02.FEB.2015

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Legalise Freedom

Transhumanist Man's Scientific Rise to Godhood — Artificial intelligence, nanotechnology, implantable chips, and life extension. These and many other technologies are being promoted as the way for humanity to become something radically different. The transhumanist movement claims that by applying such technologies to our biology, we will become post-human—and that this would be a good thing. But behind this techno-utopian vision lurk the spectres of eugenics, mind control, police state propaganda, the end of privacy, and maybe even the end of the human race itself. Is a new religion for a new age being born, arising from a scientific and increasingly sinister quest for eternal life? Guest Aaron Franz discusses.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:25:36

GP comment:  It feels natural to like gadgets. But we're already seeing the information stream associated with our gadgets used inappropriately, and that is just the beginning of our descent into the control matrix, if the transhumanist vision is anything like out actual future.

Original Show Pub Date: 10.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 14.OCT.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen True Divine Nature

Matt Kahn: Understanding Ego — Matt Kahn discusses our ego and how it leads us to be "allergic" to our surroundings, to other people, and sometimes even to ourselves. By recognizing our behaviors that are born of ego and adjusting them, we can change the dynamic of our personal interactions, our lives, and the lives of others. As more and more people adopt such behavior, it will all ultimately lead to a re-tuning of humanity.
Watch  |  Download/listen   59:41

GP comment:  Kahn presents some interesting concepts, and he's witty too. But it's a bit hard to accept that the idiotic behavior of people in general is something to embrace in a non-judgmental, supportive manner. (Hmm, which part of my ego did that just come from?...)

Original Show Pub Date: 30.Sep.2014

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Dracula - Dead and Loving It (DVD)

 

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Love At First Bite (DVD)

   

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