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FUNNY ALIEN QUOTES

If you encounter a funny alien, quotes may come from his mouth, or maybe from his glibnorp.

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Funny Alien Quotes ...
GENERAL

"The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble."

Ellen DeGeneres

"How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?"

Jay Leno

"What are you gonna do, talk the alien to death?"

James Cameron, on Sigourney Weaver's concern about the use of guns in Aliens

"Babies have big heads and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms and legs. So did the aliens at Roswell! I rest my case."

William Shatner

"Don't get me wrong—I'm very thankful for all the aliens I've met and loved."

Jonathan Frakes, actor, Commander Riker on
Star Trek: The Next Generation


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Funny Alien Quotes ...
FROM TV

animated image of leonard nimoy; click to see The Simpsons DVDs on Amazon; opens in new window From The Simpsons

Leonard Nimoy: "Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."

From 3rd Rock from the Sun

Tommy Solomon: "At first, I was conflicted. We come from very different backgrounds. I'm an alien and she's a Presbyterian."

From Doctor Who

Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart: "Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets."

rose tyler; click to see Doctor Who DVDs on Amazon; opens in new window From Doctor Who

Rose Tyler: "I think you should do a scan for alien tech. Give me some Spock! Just once, would it kill you?"

From Perfect Strangers

Balki: "Yepper! I may be an alien bent on world conquest, but I am no liar."

Captain Zapp Brannigan; click to see Futurama DVDs on Amazon; opens in new window From Futurama

Captain Zapp Brannigan: "We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?"

From Futurama

Captain Zapp Brannigan: "Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command all ships will line up and fly directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage."

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Funny Alien Quotes ...
FROM MOVIES

dark star dvd cover; click to see Dark Star DVDs on Amazon; opens in new window From Dark Star (1974)

Computer: "May I remind you, Sgt. Pinback, it was your idea to bring the alien on board in the first place. If I may quote you, you said the ship needed a mascot."

From Art House (1998)

Joey: "Do whatever you want, strange alien beings. Take my blood, my organs, my semen, but please, please, don't make me late for work."

sphere dvd cover; click to see Sphere DVDs on Amazon; opens in new window From Sphere (1998)

Barnes: "If this translation is right this alien sounds like an idiot."

Beth: "That's something to consider—a stupid alien. Well, they must have them."

From Sphere (1998)

Barnes: "I want a full name for my report. I'm not putting in my report that I lost a crew member on a deep-sat expedition to find an alien named 'Jerry.' "

From The Wrong Guy (1997)

Lynn Holden: "I feel that I'm a pretty intuitive person. Except for that one guy who said he was an advanced scout for an alien invasion force but it turned out he just wanted to get inside my pants."

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Is global warming just a hoax perpetrated by little green men and women from Planet Ecos? Or perhaps Dick Cheney and other climate-change refusniks are really reptilian aliens involved in a conspiracy of denial? Hmmm... We offer some thoughts in our piece, Global Warming Hoaxes and Conspiracies



Funny Alien Quotes
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If you know of a funny alien quote that I missed, please email it to me. Provide the text of the quote and who said it (and, if you have it, a web reference where we can verify the text and the spelling of the person's name, etc.). So... email me a quote. Thanks!

 

Feed Your Brain!
AUDIO CLIPS
ON TRANSFORMATION, CONSCIOUSNESS, ALIENS/UFOs

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 06.FEB.2015

Rating: 4 of 5 - Very good Awakening as One

Armageddon — The War Within — As framed here, Armageddon is not really about a final battle of the world's great armies, it is a process of resolving the internal conflicts in us humans. Though the system run by The Powers That Be is palpably corrupt, we have become so dependent on it, we cannot voluntarily let it go. Simultaneously, most people have lost their way, prioritizing materialism and self-obsessed goals over a peaceful, loving existence. The Armageddon process will break the system, and therefore begin the liberation process. While our time-limited physical form may perish, the inner heart-based eternal self will be renewed.
Watch  |  Download/listen   58:46

GP comment:  This is an interesting merge of Christian end-times philosophy with new-agey consciousness and cosmic awareness. There are a few points where the visuals help put the audio in context, but for the most part, you can get by just listening to the MP3, if that is your wont.

Original Show Pub Date: Unknown

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 02.FEB.2015

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen Legalise Freedom

Transhumanist Man's Scientific Rise to Godhood — Artificial intelligence, nanotechnology, implantable chips, and life extension. These and many other technologies are being promoted as the way for humanity to become something radically different. The transhumanist movement claims that by applying such technologies to our biology, we will become post-human—and that this would be a good thing. But behind this techno-utopian vision lurk the spectres of eugenics, mind control, police state propaganda, the end of privacy, and maybe even the end of the human race itself. Is a new religion for a new age being born, arising from a scientific and increasingly sinister quest for eternal life? Guest Aaron Franz discusses.
Go to page  |  Download/listen   1:25:36

GP comment:  It feels natural to like gadgets. But we're already seeing the information stream associated with our gadgets used inappropriately, and that is just the beginning of our descent into the control matrix, if the transhumanist vision is anything like out actual future.

Original Show Pub Date: 10.Jan.2015

CATEGORY:  COOL AND COSMIC — 14.OCT.2014

Rating: 3 of 5 - Good, worth a listen True Divine Nature

Matt Kahn: Understanding Ego — Matt Kahn discusses our ego and how it leads us to be "allergic" to our surroundings, to other people, and sometimes even to ourselves. By recognizing our behaviors that are born of ego and adjusting them, we can change the dynamic of our personal interactions, our lives, and the lives of others. As more and more people adopt such behavior, it will all ultimately lead to a re-tuning of humanity.
Watch  |  Download/listen   59:41

GP comment:  Kahn presents some interesting concepts, and he's witty too. But it's a bit hard to accept that the idiotic behavior of people in general is something to embrace in a non-judgmental, supportive manner. (Hmm, which part of my ego did that just come from?...)

Original Show Pub Date: 30.Sep.2014

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A funny, clever spoof on the possibility that we humans are neither descended from monkeys nor from Adam and Eve; rather, we were cooked up in an alien genetics lab long ago (a theory that has been seriously proposed by a number of people!)...  Watch funny aliens video.

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